Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My hand turned me down
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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