We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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