people are starting to question the shark bite story
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
