I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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