my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
