Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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