Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
