capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
