It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
