My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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