Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm bleeding and have questions
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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