So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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