You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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