I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize