I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
