I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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