You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize