My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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