I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
