Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
