saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
