hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
