Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
