it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
