It was confusing and full of hummus
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
