im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
