I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize