I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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