i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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