I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
