I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
