I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Let's get the cat blown out
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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