They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
