At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize