I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
