god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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