totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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