I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
