I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
