While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
