I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Say something about gay babies.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
