My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
