How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
