he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
