Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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