I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
