you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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