I wish my penis had an off switch
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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