Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
