do herpes really smell.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
