a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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