kristin has been a bad kristin
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My vagina is officially offended.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize