Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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