I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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