She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
