he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
