My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
