Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
