just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
