Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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