Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
