I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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