Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
