they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
