the condom got lost in my hair
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
