halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
