At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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